It's Quiet Uptown
by MiraiFutureGirl
Summary: After 5X10 05X11. Matt can't handle this. This loss on top of so many others they have gone through. But after going it alone for a time, he makes a promise to Gabby, as they face the unimaginable.


**A/N 5 X 10 and 11 hurt me so, so bad. this was inspired by my own feelings, and by the Hamilton soundtrack. So find 'It's Quiet Uptown' and listen while reading this. All bolded and italicized lyrics belong to Lin-Manuel Miranda.**

 **{Side note: I used to think that Alexander's part of Dear Theodosia was Matt's feelings for Louie. How apt now.}**

 **Italicized words are Matt's thoughts.**

 **Please read and review. I hope this doesn't make you cry. It choked me up.**

 **{Side note two: 'Wait For It' reminds me of Chicago Fire too, but that is something you could ask me about if you care to review this little story.}**

 **There are moments that the words don't reach**

 **There is suffering too terrible to name**

 **You hold your child as tight as you can**

 **And push away the unimaginable**

 **The moments when you're in so deep**

 **It feels easier to just swim down**.

 **Matt's Pov**

He can't sleep. It keeps going, repeating over and over in his head.

 _All the little moments. Stories, lullabies, meals. Louie. Gabby. The family he had always wanted, being built before his eyes._

 _The promise he had meant with his whole heart:_

 _"I will always, always be your dad."_

 _The three of them in front of Molly's, Louie's voice:_

 _"Daddy"_

 _Choosing to make the three of them official, and marrying the love of his life with all of his 51_ family _in witness._

 _Andre leading his son to a new life he would have no real part of._

He leaves the bed he and Gabby share. He can't even try now. He heads to Louie-

The guest room.

That's all it was now.

He'd slipped out of bed to check on their little boy so many times. The empty bed is a stab in the heart.

Andre needed nothing from them except the son they loved. Matt can't look at the empty room anymore.

They had meant to go through it in a few weeks when it didn't make them both want to scream from the unfairness.

He goes for the boxes and bins they were going to use. Why wait? Louie was gone.

As he is working on Louie's-

 _The guest room._

He opens a drawer and finds a ring box. The ring. The ring that Shay helped him pick for Gabby. That was another lifetime ago.

They were married now, but after what they lost- would she even care that he'd found it?

He scoops up the box.

Slamming the drawer shut, he holds the box in both of his hands, and squeezes as hard as he can, until it hurts.

It had needed up in this room when she had left him after it hadn't worked before. He had not been able to truly get rid of it.

He had not let go then, but this loss. Were they enough still? He wasn't sure anymore.

A month ago, he could see them getting through anything, the three of them.

He grabs the bin of clothing that had not fit in the suitcase Louie had taken with him.

He sits it in the hall with everything else. After next shift, this would go to help a child who needed it.

He hears steps behind him.

He hears Gabby ask:

"Are you done?"

Even softer.

" _ **God**_ , is that _really_ it?"

He turns to her. Her face is twisted with fresh grief, her eyes bright with tears.

He should go to her, hold her as tight as he can. He doesn't know why he doesn't.

The moment breaks like ice, and she's gone.

He'd trade anything to make this right. But he can't

 _ **He'd be standing here right now. And you would smile, and that would be enough.**_

They go to visit that young mother, putting what Louie's left behind to good use.

At home, he sits with Gabby in the quiet.

 _They will get through this._

He sees the ring box where he had left it.

 _He'd prove it_

He goes and grabs it.

 _ **I don't pretend to know**_

 _ **The challenges we're facing**_

 _ **I know there's no replacing what we've lost**_

 _ **And you need time.**_

"Gabby. I know these last few weeks have been a nightmare. I know we can't replace or erase Louie. I know it feels like we lost everything because we've lost him. But I found a reminder of what we still have.

He opens the ring box.

"I know the pain will last. I know you need time to grieve. I do too.

But I know you. I know who I married. If we are together, we will make it. We will never lose us, Gabby. We are enough."

He plucks the ring from the box, slides it onto her finger, where it belongs. He takes her hand and kisses it.

 _ **But I'm not afraid**_

 _ **I know who I married**_

 _ **Just let me stay here by your side**_

 _ **That would be enough.**_

She reaches for him, and he folds her into his arms. She shakes in sorrow, and he holds her even tighter, his own tears starting.

It was quiet, and there was a hole in their hearts. But they had each other. It would be enough.

 **A/N-I know this storyline broke all our hearts. If you want Dawsey + Louie fluff, I wrote two other stories. If you want you could pretend that's in a world where Andre never showed up. I like that idea best.**

 **{Side note three. I'm writing something in an alternate timeline with another foster kid. It will take some inspiration from season five but will be its own story. Some things are not canon. Some deaths won't happen, and I'll have another place where everything will go right.}**


End file.
